The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of sexually transmitted disease.
This disease is contracted through high risk behavior, although cases have also been reported of individuals or whole families contracting it through prolonged contact with certain news media or social groups. It is called Gonorrhea Lectim (pronounced «gonna re-elect him»).
Many victims have contracted it after having been screwed for the past 4 years, in spite of having taken measures to protect themselves from this especially troublesome disease.
Cognitive sequelae of individuals infected with Gonorrhea Lectim include, but are not limited to:
Antisocial personality disorder traits;
delusions of grandeur with a distinct messianic flavor;
chronic mangling of the English language;
extreme cognitive dissonance;
inability to incorporate new information;
inability to accept responsibility for actions;
exceptional cowardice masked by acts of misplaced bravado;
uncontrolled facial smirking;
ignorance of geography and history;
tendencies toward creating evangelical theocracies;
and a strong propensity for categorical, all-or nothing behavior.
The disease is sweeping Washington. Naturalists and epidemiologists are amazed and baffled that this malignant disease can have spread so widely after originating relatively recently in a Texas Bush.